It’s like when you are having the best day, then all of a sudden... BAM! Something tiny becomes a massive deal and all you want to do it sit in a room and cry.
On the outside, you're smiling but on the inside you feel frustrated. It’s like you don’t know what is happening and you feel shocked that you are getting so upset over something so trivial but you just can’t help it.
It could be your nose ring popping open and you can’t fix it and feeling terrified of the piercing closing up in the night, and then your glasses lose an arm. And until that issue is sorted, it’s a struggle to smile.
It can ruin a whole day, a whole week, or even a whole month.
"I'm going to be positive this weekend" you tell yourself.
"Lol, guess what?" Says depression.
You begin to feel numb, like there is something missing from your life. But you can't work out what it is. You have your friends around you, you have a roof over your head, you're on holiday, your husband is right there by your side trying to help. Instead, you get angry and upset because something is still not right. But you cannot understand what it might be.
Then something else creeps in. The anxiety.
"Am I wrecking everyone's fun?"
"Do people hate me now?"
"Do they think I'm a dick?"
"Is there something wrong with me?"
You get worked up and you get upset. It makes you feel extremely stressed. But I suppose at least you aren't feeling numb anymore. There is a feeling there.
The next day, you wake up in a different mindset. You slam your way into a positive wall of emotion that you want to make EVERYONE happy. You're pulling yourself here, there and everywhere and feeling extremely good about yourself. Then you get worn out and you cannot do it for much longer.
And the never ending cycle begins again...